I’m gonna need a longer tape measure.

11 Mar
Have you ever found a diamond encrusted belt buckle in a pile of garbage? How about a shiny 10 dollar bill in an old pair of winter pants? If so, then you will understand the feeling you get when that happens. I guess the best way to describe it would be to say it’s a lot like high fiving awesome while riding a unicorn with the body of an mp3 ready great white shark. This is how I feel today. Let me explain. 

Last night I shaved my neck beard (the part of the beard under the chin line). This morning upon closer examination, I discovered I had missed a spot. Normally, this would be irritating, but today it was magical. I only missed two hairs. Two majestically long and beautifully jet black hairs. At first I was speechless. There they were, gently wafting in the breeze. The light shone off them like a golden dove. This is, undoubtedly, what Tolkien envisioned when he received his inspiration for the Two Towers. Remember Toto? Well my neck is the Serengeti, and the hairs Kilimanjaro- rising majestically like Olympus. On a scale of 1-Awesome, these hairs are a bossinova.

I think it goes with out saying that I am keeping them.  Why wouldn’t I? Think of all the possible uses

  • Twirl them around my ears multiple time for an instant Princess Leia costume
  • Wrap them around my neck and I’ve got a fashionable and functional scarf
  • String some fruit loops on those bad boys and BOOM! Countdown chain
  • Portable, instant and reusable tooth floss
  • Rope for demonstrating my knot tying skills
  • Tie them around my finger to remember something important.

Really, the sky is the limit here. I think the possibilities are limited only by my imagination.

What did your body do for you today?


3 Responses to “I’m gonna need a longer tape measure.”

  1. Nicole Roberts March 11, 2011 at 5:37 am #

    So did you trim them?

    • gravy11 March 11, 2011 at 5:53 am #

      Let me answer that with another question. Would you cut two of your fingers off? These are just as useful and twice as cosmetically appealing. Also, my razor is out of battery power.

  2. Nancy March 11, 2011 at 11:21 pm #

    My body threw up after reading this post. It was the “portable floss” bit that did it for me.

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